In learning to cope in a healthy way it's helpful to distinguish between guilt and shame. Guilt is a normal human emotion which accepts responsibility and prompts us to repair the situation. Ex. If I steal someone's pen, I feel guilt which leads me to give it back and improve the relationship. Shame results when you believe your actions mean something about you. Ex. "I'm a bad person for stealing." Shame will cause you to feel like who you are is the problem rather than the behavior. When we add shame to already difficult situation, it prevents you from reaching goals.
An alternative to the guilt shame train is to accept the feeling of guilt, but don't evaluate it. If you are distracted from judgmental thoughts, say "stop" firmly in your mind. You can use an affirmation statement to remind yourself that you are a worthwhile person despite behaviors. You will find that goals are much easier to reach when you stay out of the judging game.
No comments:
Post a Comment